I‘ve dealt with body confidence issues for all of my life. There have been periods of time when my entire self worth was based on how much I appreciated my body and other times when I couldn’t even look at myself naked in a bathroom mirror without cringing. One of the things that I was most worried about after having leo was how I was going to perceive myself and to be honest it went pretty much as expected.
From the time Leo was born up until recently I have been dealing with a lot of self-hatred and difficulty accepting my new weight. I went from a size 12 to a size 18 which is a massive jump and the fact that I didn’t fit into the majority of my old clothes really made me feel uncomfortable going out and even just seeing people.
I was so infatuated with the weight that I had put on and the way that my body had changed I didn’t realise that it’s normal and obsessing over pounds and stretch marks is unhealthy, so the past couple of weeks I have tried massively to change my view. Instead of obsessing over my weight I am now concentrating on being healthy in general. So getting exercise and eating healthy is my new priority. I’m not going to worry about the way my body looks because as long as I treat myself well, in theory I should feel well about myself.
I dealt with my weight gain for a long time with binge eating unhealthy food which is so so unhealthy for your mental, physical health and every single thing else. I did not value myself so didn’t treat myself. Now I am making a conscious effort to home cook everything, not eat in between meals and doing exercise at home.
So I exercise by going outside everyday but I also make a conscious effort to do sit ups when Leo is in his chair as he finds that exercise the most entertaining (every time I sit up I make faces at him and he finds it hilarious). I increase the amount of sit ups I do a day by 5 and a currently on 50 a day. I find it the most motivating way to exercise consistently.
This is the current weight that I am at and I feel so so happy.
If you haven’t read my first blog post in this tiny, mini series then you can do so if you click the link HERE and that will basically sum up what’s going on but if you can’t be bothered (I don’t blame you at all) then that’s fine.
So I’ve been feeling pretty happy recently and decided that for once I was going to help sustain my positivity. I’m fed up of feeling happy for a while and then crashing down and I’ve tried methods to raise my levels when I’m down but I’ve never taken my future into my hands to make positive steps.
So for an entire week I decided to do 30 minutes exercise before lunch every single day to see how I felt after and whether it help me stay happy and whether I could continue the exercise.
Usually when I am having negative spells I find it difficult to tidy, look after myself and 100% of my energy goes into looking after Leo and not much else. Previously before Leo I would just lay in bed and would find it so difficult to even do the simplest tasks. I’m sick of feeling like this but have had pretty bad experiences with counselling and being prescribed meds so I’m going to do a number of different tasks by myself for myself.
So the week started off pretty well, I actually managed to do loads of things and had a really busy week. i managed to do all of my washing and ironing and kept the house tidy and had time to concentrate on Leo which was nice and even when I was exercising it didn’t even really feel like it because we just went to the park multiple times which was really sweet. I think if Leo could spend all day everywhere just attempting to eat the sand then he would for sure. He spent the entire week just in a state of being cheery and happy.
I have to say towards the end of the week I did actually feel quite down, not because I was having a low spell but it was a week before my period and I always get a bit low and emotional but I did still manage to do all of my exercise and housework, I didn’t even cancel on anybody because I am notorious for doing that when I am having a low spell.
All in all I think it was entirely worth while. I’m actually taking a stand to exercise more in general and am trying to go out on work out based fast walks at least 2 or 3 days a week which will hopefully continue the spell of feeling on top of the world.
Hello my lovelies,
If you read my blog post yesterday then you would know that everything has been going really well for me at the moment. Including my mental health. I’m in a really positive place and have no intentions of going back to the place were I was. For months I had suffered with Postnatal depression and for years suffered with Anxiety so I’m no stranger to the physical, Intellectual, Emotional and social symptoms of dealing with poor mental health.
So I have no intention of letting my mental health deteriorate. I have tried to overcome previous bouts of depression and anxiety before but personally found group therapy unpleasant and uninformative, one to one counselling poor as I go in and out of low moods and by the time I get an appointment feel better and I don’t enjoy the way that Doctors prescribe medication, It may work for other people but I have been prescribed anti anxiety or anti depressants 3 times all in the first doctor’s appointment I have gone to which have lasted between 5 and 10 minutes. I do not believe that a doctor can prescribe you something as personalised as anti depressants without even knowing the extent of your symptoms. This is not me saying that I do not believe in medication. The exact opposite sometimes but I don’t agree with prescribing straight away without going down other routes first.
So that looks like I’m going down the natural Diy route. I’m going to start with a little experiment and write down my findings for myself and all of you, every single day I am going to do some form of exercise all over half an hour, write down how I feel and compile it into one blog in a week. I’m actually really excited for this as I am not a motivated person but I am passionate about my blog so hopefully this will give me the motivation to go frequently.
I left for my walk this morning at around 11. I decided to go to the park this morning then walk the long way home as I could pick up Leo’s formula and give Leo a break halfway through as he gets grumpy stuck in his chair.
I took his pushchair but I will see how it goes, if he gets too moany I may try him out in his sling.
Leo is the most cheery baby there is, and is happiest when he’s on the swings. I’ve taken him to the park 3 times in the last 2 days and honestly he’s happier as well as me. It’s only the first day but I have been pretty motivated. I’ve tidied the house and was ironed the clothes I put up to dry yesterday. I’ve also written two blog posts and all round feel awake and happy. So far It’s a really positive start. I will Update how the week in 7 days.
I am a person who does not try and hide the fact that I have struggled with mental health in the past (check the name, an anxious mum 101 lmao) and it’s actually the original reason why i started blogging. I wanted to be able to document my highs and lows throughout pregnancy and also to be able to educate and normalise mental health. It really upsets me the amount of stigma that surrounds mental health and some of the down right ignorance that follows. I know so many people who have struggled with so many different types of mental health and either feel like they can only joke about it so they don’t discuss it properly or just avoid the situation.
Come on guys, it’s okay for everyone to discuss mental health. I wish someone could just ask how someone was and for them to say they were feeling down or a bit anxious without any negative connotations. It’s a real shame that our society has developed to be like this.
If you’d like to watch this video then you can watch below, also remember to click the link below.
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Being a stay at home mum is usually one of those things where when people hear about it they assume that it’s easy or people have kids so they can stay at home. In reality being a stay at home mum is one of the most skilful and difficult jobs you can do.Days of only speaking to the baby and your other half, having to balance doing all of the housework with having a needy and ever demanding baby and working all day every day (and night.) I haven’t had more than 6 hours sleep (still interrupted) since the baby has been born and sometimes the tiredness is unfathomable but you get through it.
Although being tired is something that is fairly easy to deal with, one of the things which is more challenging is the baby blues, especially in the first few months. It really is a struggle and I’m not saying this to put anyone off having babies but it is the truth. I have suffered with years and years of mental health difficulties and found that this was one of the things that I was most nervous about when I was close to having Leo.
When Leo was first-born, even though all there was extreme love for him and It was the happiest I had ever been in my entire life I found myself crying and feeling horrificly low for weeks. The smallest thing would set me off, like adverts and being out of my favourite food, I’d be bawling and feel like I couldn’t cope.
Luckily I found that after a few months my hormones settled down and I was happier in general but there was the still the fact that staying at home all day with minimal interaction plays havoc with your mental health. There are a number of ways that I have been able stay as positive as possible for my mental health and for Leo.
- One of the ways that helps me is my blog, I have found it extremely positive to write down what I’m feeling or what I want to write about and being able to interact with other people online. I have made so many online friends and some days when the only words that I’ve uttered are high-pitched monosyllabic squeaks having people who I can message really get you up. I now understand the ‘Facebook mum’. Also being able to have my own identity and not just being Leo’s mum has been a real help. I have been able to keep my identity and my interests and have something to look forward to.
- Have goals and ambitions is a massive point. Ricardo and myself talk every day about the future and even though it might be a bit difficult with money at the moment it doesn’t really get us down because we just talk about how we can better ourselves and all the things we want to be able to provide Leo with. Even though he wasn’t born into the most ideal circumstances with our ages and situations but I am adamant that I am going to give Leo everything that he needs in the world and more.
- My friends have been the biggest godsend and have been such positive people in my life whether it’s online or trips for tea into our city they have been so positive. You hear every day people talking about how when they’ve had babies they’ve lost a lot of friends but I feel like I’ve been so blessed because I’ve got all of my friends and even gained some new friends. I can’t explain the amount of times I’ve needed my friends support.
I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this,